Thursday, June 19, 2014

For several months now I've felt trapped. Trapped doing something I hated more and more by the day. I struggled to find motivation to carry on, but I refused to give up. This spring has dragged on beyond belief. And today was the day when I could finally breathe out and think to myself, that I'm free of it all.

I wrote quite a long post about the wrong "career" choice a while ago. A post about me feeling like I want to help people achieve their fitness related goals, make the world a healthier place one person at a time. A post about how I ended up studying graphic design because it was the convenient choice for me and my back at the time, but now I couldn't be happier to be done with the course.

I was actually scrolling through some recent posts where I've mentioned studying, and the amount of stress I've spoken about is scary. No wonder I've put on weight since Easter, I've just felt really awful about being on this course. I've let myself fall back into bad habits diet wise, I've stopped going to the gym due to lack of energy and I've just not been happy about it at all.

The final deadline for our last project is in a few hours, but I managed to finish everything by about 3pm. I only had a few little bits to do and the thought of having the entire day for it just made it worse! I procrastinated like a king for a while, doing a small section of work and then going back to browsing YouTube or any other website that would take my mind off the work.

And guess what the first thing I did was after submitting? Go for a very long walk. The feeling of being in no rush after such a long time was refreshing. Actually walked the route I used to walk back when I was only in the beginning of my weight loss journey, I went through this long journey in my head and just felt proud of myself, in so many ways at the same time. I went through one of the most difficult years in my life, still managed to drop all this weight (despite gaining a bit back since Easter) and finally found a job I really enjoy.

People are wondering what I'm doing next. Well, quite simple - I'm going to carry on working to save money for a PT course, but that's still at least a year away. Thankfully the shifts I've been given for most of July are mostly split shifts, giving me the opportunity to get back into going to the gym! All these gaps in my shifts are perfect for a quick workout. I really can't wait!

I actually did a quick full body workout tonight while the other half was watching football. Bicep curls, lat raises, basic crunches, chest flies, dead lifts and squats, followed by a very thorough rolling session with my beloved foam roller (my brother actually fell in love with that thing when he was over!). Somehow I've just found all this energy to use up - maybe the stress of my course has actually been making me really passive lately? I don't know. I'm just really happy that energy is there again.

Oh and I'm completely in love with my hair right now! It is the result of a lot of patience and a bit of bleach, hair colour and silver shampoo. It's nice to be blonde again after such a long time, and this time I've almost managed to get to my natural colour! Hooray!

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